Nightmares
by TheSongSmith
Summary: Jasper's past keeps coming back to haunt him, and they decide that something must be done. Can the family band together to help him, or will he continue to suffer? And what will be revealed? Rating may change for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello everyone! This is just a story I wrote on a train heading into Penn Station. I liked it so I thought I'd share.**

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As I have every night for the past two weeks, I wake to the movement of the one beside me. Deep in his nightmare, Jasper thrashes and mumbles furiously. He'd had a very long streak during which the horrors of his past remained where they belonged. However, as it always has been, the good streak ended and left him at the bottom, with the memories plaguing him for weeks on end. It was always truly horrid to witness, the proud, strong soldier tormented like this. I felt as helpless as I always did knowing that I could not wake him and pull him from his past, though I always long to. "Don't…Please!" he pleads desperately with a woman he hasn't seen in decades. The damage Maria did to him amounted to more than just the visible scars. I knew her tactics also left deep psychological wounds that I alone could not heal. I had thought no one could, until my latest vision. And as the man I love whimpers in pain recalled from long ago, I know this has to change. I can't allow this to continue any longer. It's high time his wounds are healed, and there's only one man who can do it.

As always, Jasper wakes with a cry. He bolts upright, his eyes searching the darkened room for his torturer. When they land on me, his expression immediately shifts from shock and pain to a deep sadness. If he could cry, I'm sure he would be. "Alice…" he whispers, his voice cracking. I hold out my arms to him, and he clings to me tightly, hiding his face in the crook of my neck and sobbing tearlessly.

I hold him to me securely, lightly stroking his hair. "Shh, Jasper. Shh, baby. It was just a dream. You're safe, my love. She can't hurt you anymore. I've got you. Everything will be okay. It's over, honey," I murmur, kissing his forehead gently. I continue to hold him as he shudders and gasps for breath he doesn't need. Slowly, he calms in my embrace until his breathing regains a normal rhythm, only interrupted by small gasps.

"Jasper, love?" I murmur gently. Curious, he looks up at me with the eyes of a tortured man. He is surprised, I know, because this is not part of the normal routine. Usually, after I've calmed him, I rock him gently, humming softly to him until he falls asleep again. We never talk about it. But this is the time to convince him to get help. He watches me expectantly as I reach over and turn the lights on. I sit back against the headboard, pulling him into my lap, his head resting on my collarbone.

"It's time this ended," I begin softly. "She shouldn't be allowed to hurt you anymore."

He nods slowly. "I-I'd stop it if I k-knew h-h-how…" he replies shakily.

"I know you would, sweetheart," I assure him, kissing the crown of his head. "I think I know how. I saw it."

He looks up at me eagerly. "H-How? What did you see? I'll do a-anything!"

"You're going to have to talk to Carlisle," I explain. He's the only one who knows how to help." At this, he groans. "I'm sorry, love, but I can't let you suffer any longer. It's time we stop this, and Carlisle will help. If you keep an open mind and trust him, everything will be fine."

He is quiet for a long moment. "Can you stay with me?" he asks finally.

I nod. "Of course."

"Okay," he agrees quietly. "When do we talk to him?"

"Now."

"It's four o'clock in the morning," he reminds me.

"So?" I counter. "It's not like he's sleeping. And it's not like you will either." I gently pull him up from the bed, pulling him close. We travel the short distance to Carlisle's office, and I knock softly on the door.

"Come in," his muffled reply comes, and I open the door slowly. "Ah, good morning," he says when he sees us. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

I look to Jasper, who bites his lip. "Um…I kind of…I need some help."

Carlisle nods solemnly. "Of course. Come on in." We close the door behind us and take our seats on the couch against the wall. Carlisle sits across from us. "So, I take it this is about the nightmares?" he asks. Jasper looks up, surprised. "I didn't mean to pry," he explains. "It's just…vampire hearing. Anyway, I'll absolutely help. Are these dreams flashbacks to an earlier time?" Jasper nods. "And what time are you flashing back to?"

I squeeze his hand gently as he replies. "Usually my time I spent with Maria…Sometimes to my human father."

Carlisle nods. "And are the flashbacks generally of very upsetting or traumatic events during those times?"

"Yes."

Carlisle mulls it over for a minute. "Okay," he says finally. "I need to do a little research before we do anything. So here's what we'll do. I'll do the research tonight, and you two can stay home from school tomorrow and we'll get started." He looks Jasper over for a moment. "Tonight, you both need sleep." He digs through a drawer for a minute, coming up with a bottle and a syringe. Jasper eyes him carefully. "Don't worry, it's safe," Carlisle assures him. "I make it myself. It will allow you to sleep without the nightmares popping up again. If you'd like, I can give you a dose tonight to help you sleep until we fix the problem."

Jasper hesitates, but nods. Carlisle begins measuring out a dose in the syringe, and he watches carefully. "But won't the needle just break off?" he asks, puzzled.

"No," Carlisle replies. "I have a lot of time on my hands," he says by way of explanation. He finishes and looks at Jasper. "Ready?" Jasper nods and holds out his arm. Carlisle takes it gently and carefully injects the medicine. Right away, Jasper's eyelids begin to droop.

"Thank you daddy," I say, pulling Jasper from the couch.

Of course," he replies. "Get some rest. I'll see you tomorrow."

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**Well, that's that. The first chapter. I've written the first four, and if I get some reviews I'll start putting them up. Please let me know what you think!****  
**

**~TheSongSmith  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**I****'m terribly sorry for not putting this up earlier! My internet broke, and then I fixed it, and then my computer broke. Really. But anyway, here's chapter 2!**

****Side note** Yes, they sleep. Before you all get in a tizzy, it's fanfiction my friends. That means if they do some un-vampire-like behaviors, it's cool. Just go with it.  
**

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I try not to wake him, thought it seems unnecessary at this point. It's almost 11am and Jasper is still sleeping soundly. It's a great relief to know he's finally getting some rest, and as he sleeps I watch Carlisle's plan take shape. It will work, I know, but I also know that it will be an exercise in trust that Jasper desperately needs. It will be a great thing for us- if we all make it through in one piece, that is. Under my watchful gaze, Jasper begins to stir. I kiss him softly, feeling him sleepily return it. He opens his eyes and smiles at me. "Morning."

I smile back. "Morning. How did you sleep?"

He pauses for a moment, considering it, before grinning. "Better than I have in a long time."

He stretches as I yawn. "Good. Come on, love. We have to go see Carlisle." Remembering last night, he nods and allows me to pull him up. I giggle at the way his hair stands up and run my fingers through it. We make our way down the hall where Carlisle sits, tapping away at his computer.

"Morning," he greets us. "How'd that medicine work, Jazz?"

Jasper smiles. "It was great, no nightmares."

"Good, I'm glad. Alright, have a seat and we'll talk about what I researched." He waits until we all sit. "So, I checked some facts, made some calls, called in a few favors, and I think I've decided on a plan."

"You didn't have to do all that for me," Jasper says timidly.

"Of course I did," Carlisle relies easily. "You're my son. So what I think these nightmares are is a form of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I know that sounds bad, but it's very treatable."

Jasper thinks for a long moment. "Okay. So how do we treat it?"

Carlisle hesitates. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about," he says. "At this point, I believe the best option is to utilize hypnotherapy. You need to go back into those memories in a safe way."

His eyes widen slightly. "So…you want to hypnotize me?" he asks nervously.

Sort of," Carlisle replies. "I'd be putting you in a very light trance of sorts, and I'd be able to take you back through those memories without actually being in those situations again. You'll be able to speak with me on your own, and I'd never push you father than you can handle or abuse that power. It'll just be like me guiding our conversation."

Jasper looks at me, his eyes wide, and I know he's asking what will happen. He's terrified of giving up control, but I know he trusts Carlisle. "It'll be okay," I respond to his silent question.

He thinks for another minute. Can Alice be there when we do it?"

"Of course," Carlisle assures him.

Jasper nods slowly. "Okay then. I trust you."

Carlisle smiles. "Thank you. Would you like me to put you under for a couple of minutes first so you know what it feels like?" Jasper nods, and I rub the back of his hand reassuringly. "Okay," Carlisle instructs, "Just get comfortable and relax." Jasper obeys, leaning back against me. "Alright," Carlisle says, "Close your eyes. Now, I'm going to count to ten, and the higher I get the more relaxed you will become. Clear your mind o everything except my voice." I hold Jasper gently as Carlisle continues in calm tones. "One…two…" Jasper squeezes my hand, relaxing slightly. "Three…four…five…" His nervous expression disappears. "Six…seven…eight…" I feel him relax completely against me. "Nine…ten. Jasper, can you hear me?"

"Yes," he answers calmly.

"Good. Now I'm going to bring you out of it, alright? Listen carefully to my voice. I'm going to count backwards from ten, and as I do you are slowly going to come back to the present. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

Carlisle begins slowly counting backwards, and I watch as Jasper slowly becomes aware of himself. "Three…two…one. Open your eyes." Jasper blinks, looking between the two of us for a moment. "How was it?" Carlisle asks.

"Weird," he replies, "But it wasn't bad."

Carlisle smiles. "Good. Would you be comfortable with me using that to help you with your memories?"

Jasper nods, and I smile, hugging him gently. "I'm so proud of you," I murmur. I know he isn't happy about it, but he understands how important it is.

"When would you like to start?" Carlisle asks.

Jasper looks at me. "As soon as possible," he decides. "It's been too long already."

Carlisle nods. "Okay. Why don't you and Alice go hunting for a little while, and then we'll start?"

Jasper smiles, grateful that Carlisle understands his need to me with me for a while. "We will. Thank you."

I take his hand, leading him outside. "I love you, Jazz."

He hesitates, then hugs me tightly. "Please don't be upset over what you might hear. There are some things I haven't even told you. Don't be mad."

I stroke his cheek gently, shushing him. "I won't be mad," I assure him. "I understand that it's hard for you. It's alright. At least now everything will be out in the open, and we can move on. You'll feel so much better."

He nods, relieved, and hugs me tighter. "Thank you."

I stroke his hair lightly. No need," I tell him. "But there's one thing you have to remember." He looks at me curiously. "You have to remember that I always love you. It doesn't matter how upset you get, or what you did, or what kind of skeletons there are in your closet. I love you and nothing will change that."

For the first time in a while, he grins. "I know. Thank you."

I smile and kiss him softly. "Okay. Let's go catch breakfast." We spend the morning hunting, and I see Jasper gradually calming about what lies ahead. After a while we stop hunting, just sitting together on the ground. When the future is clear, I turn to him. "Ready?" I ask.

"Ready as I'll ever be."

With that I take his hand and lead him back towards the house.

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**Yay! So my lack of internet for the past week or so means I spent my time writing advance chapters of this in the hopes that I might be able to update regularly. Stay tuned!**

**~TheSongSmith  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**New chapter! Yay!**

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As we approach Carlisle's office, Jasper grows tense again. I rub his back gently. "Don't worry," I tell him. "The future is very clear. It will all be fine. And I'll be with you the whole time. You'll be okay."

He nods and slowly knocks on the door. When we enter, Carlisle sits at his desk, tapping his fingers idly. He smiles. "Ready to get on with it?" he asks. Jasper nods and sits down on the couch, pulling me with him. "Alright," Carlisle says, "I thought we'd try with a good memory first. I figured it might make it a little easier for you when we dive into the tougher stuff." Jasper nods, relieved. He closes his eyes, relaxing against me as Carlisle starts his counting. When he reaches ten, Jasper's whole body relaxes.

"Alright Jazz," Carlisle starts. "Let's start with a good memory. Go back to the first time you met Alice. Put yourself back in that diner. What happened?"

Jasper is quiet for a long moment. "I don't know why I even went in there," he starts. "I suppose it seemed like the human thing to do. I didn't know what to make of her at first. She just waltzed right up to me, and with my background I didn't know if I should be afraid or not. But the second she opened her mouth, I knew she was the one I'd spend eternity with. She told me I'd kept her waiting." He smiles softly. "I didn't know what to say to that. So I apologized."

I grin, remembering his 'My apologies, ma'am' as he continues.

"She told me all about you. About the strange life you lived. And I felt so much hope."

Carlisle nods, writing on a pad. "And why do you think you felt that way?" he asks.

Jasper pauses. "I spent so many years running away from this monster I was. I'd try to abstain until I couldn't stop myself anymore and I went on a rampage and hated myself more. But then she told me about this other way, and I thought that maybe I wouldn't have to be a monster anymore. She saved me in every way."

Carlisle nods. "Thank you. We're going to more on to some more serious stuff now. Remember that you're safe." Jasper nods. "Jasper, I want you to go back to the night you were changed."

His brow creases, and he grips my hand tighter. "There are girls," he murmurs.

"And what are they doing?"

He frowns. "Just…" he gasps suddenly, grabbing at his neck.

"It's alright, Jasper," Carlisle murmurs. "Remember, you're here in my office with Alice and I. They can't hurt you. Do you understand?"

Slowly, he lowers his hand. "Yes, thank you." He relaxes slightly.

"So," Carlisle prods, "She bit you?" He nods. "And what happened after that?"

Jasper grimaces. "After that I burned. She moves me somewhere, but then she left. It was a few days, I think. And then when it got worse, she came back."

"And what did she do then?"

"She's…talking. She's saying that I was stronger than she thought. That I was going to be useful." He whines softly, rubbing his throat. I massage his back gently, and he calms. "It stopped."

"The burning or the thirst?"

"The burning…" Suddenly he becomes panicked. "Please don't make me continue!" he pleads. "Not yet!"

Carlisle nods. "Okay son. We can end here for today. I want you to slowly leave that memory and come back to the present. Clear your mind of everything other than my voice." He begins counting, and when he finishes Jasper opens his eyes and hugs me tightly.

"I'm sorry," he murmurs. "I just couldn't. It was too overwhelming."

Carlisle pats his shoulder gently. "Don't be sorry. I promised I wouldn't push if you thought you couldn't handle it. You did very well. Thank you."

I kiss him softly. "I'm so proud of you, love. How do you feel?"

He smiles. "Okay. Not bad."

I take his hand and lead him from the room. Back on the bed in our room, I climb into his lap. "So what was it like?" I ask.

"It was...strange. And sometimes I got kind of lost in the memory and forgot where I was. But it was nice to be able to talk about things. Even the things I forgot about. It was interesting."

"You don't mind being hypnotized?"

He laughs softly. "Not really. I have a feeling I wouldn't be able to talk about it any other way. And I wouldn't be able to put myself back into the memories. Plus, you were right. I do need to work on my trust issues, and this is a pretty big step."

I nod in agreement. "It is. I'm proud of you."

"He's happy, you know. These are the two things he's always wanted: To help me, and to learn more about me."

'That's good," I murmur. "Maybe now you can be closer and have the relationship you want with him."

He playfully raises an eyebrow at me. "'Maybe'?"

I grin. "Okay, definitely. Just keep talking and it'll happen."

He smiles and hugs me. "Thanks for convincing me to do this. You were right, I do need it."

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**Once again, please please review! I love all your feedback!**

**~TheSongSmith  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**Woohoo, next chapter! Decided to focus on another family bond in this one, so let me know what you think!**

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We have just enough time to change before the others arrive home. When they do, Edward pulls me aside. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" I nod and follow him outside. "How did it go?" he asks. I raise an eyebrow at him. "Carlisle was thinking about it all morning. Is Jasper okay or what?"

I nod. "He'll be fine. Why?"

Edward rolls his eyes. "Is it so hard to believe that I worry about him? We all do. We've heard him every night too. But the others don't know what it is, and they're too afraid to ask. I can certainly see why it distresses him so much. The things he dreams about…" he shudders.

I hesitate. "Not that I'm happy about your spying on his dreams, but…what are they about?"

"Well first of all, it's not spying, they're just really loud. And second of all, you don't know?"

I sigh. "I know vaguely what they're about, but he doesn't like to talk about them and I don't like upsetting him. I don't usually ask. I only know names because he talks in his sleep."

He nods thoughtfully. "You'll find out soon enough. I don't think he'd appreciate me telling you. But he's really going to be alright?"

"Yes Edward, he is. It won't be easy, but he'll get through this. Although I think he could use some time with his brother. Why don't you take him out hunting or something?"

He nods again. "That might be a good idea. I will. Let me know if he needs anything, okay? I'd like to help if I can."

I smile at his concern. "I will. Thank you. Right now he just needs his family."

Later, while I'm sitting on the couch, watching the shopping channel with Jasper's head in my lap, Edward walks in and sits on the arm of the couch. "Hey Jazz?" he says. Jasper looks up at him. "I was thinking about taking a walk, maybe hunting a little, and I wondered if you might want to come along."

Jasper looks at me, puzzled. I smile. "Go. You could use some brotherly bonding time. Unless of course, you'd like me to start buying you stuff…"

He jumps up quickly. "Yeah, I'll go with you."

I giggle and Edward grins at me, shaking his head. I watch them walk into the forest before the vision comes to me. They walk for a long time before Jasper speaks. "You know, don't you?"

Edward nods. "Yeah, I know. For the record, I wasn't doing it on purpose."

"It's okay," Jasper says. "I kind of figured you heard. I'm sure you have questions."

He hesitates. "No. I know you don't like talking about it. If you ever do want to talk, I'll listen." He pauses. "I'm sorry." He hugs Jasper then, and I can see him stiffen slightly before relaxing.

"Um…thanks?" Jasper replies. "What are you sorry for? You didn't do anything."

Edward sighs. "Still, you didn't deserve that. Any of it. I'm sorry it happened to you."

Jasper nods seriously. "Thank you. Does anyone else know?"

"Not that I know of. I didn't tell anyone. I figured you'd tell them when you were ready."

"How long have you known?" he asks curiously.

"Since you came here."

Jasper looks at him, astonished. "And you never told anyone, in all that time?"

Edward raises an eyebrow at him. "Of course not. It wasn't anyone else's business. It wasn't mine either, but I found out accidentally. You're my brother. If you don't want to share, then I respect that."

Jasper's eyes widen. "I…didn't realize," he says honestly. "Thank you."

"It wasn't anything anyone else wouldn't have done," Edward says.

Jasper shakes his head. "No, it was more. Everyone else would have at least asked me about it. Thank you…for being a great brother."

Edward smiles. "I see a lot of things. But I know you're sensitive about that kind of thing. It's only fair. You're a pretty great brother yourself."

Jasper is quiet for a long moment. "She had me controlled before I even realized what she was doing," he says finally, sitting down against a tree.

Edward sits next to him. "How?" he asks.

"She had a lot of ways," he explains. "She was terrifying, for one thing. You were scared to even think about disobeying. And when she punished someone for disobedience, she always did it in front of everyone else. She had me after three weeks. After her first punishment -it was brilliant- I was done."

Edward watches him. "What did she do, if you don't mind me asking?"

Jasper shakes his head. "I don't mind. She may have been evil, but she was brilliant. I was angry when I woke up after the change. I didn't want to serve her. So she dragged me into this barn with the other newborns and their crazy emotions. I guess she had an idea of my gift. She instructed two of the strongest newborns to hold me there. I hadn't gained control of my ability at the time. It was crippling. I didn't know how to change their emotions or block it out. She kept me there for weeks. It was excruciating. All of my own emotions –the thirst, the anger, all of it– were projected out, and they intensified the others' feelings. It was horrible. I tried to keep it together, but I just couldn't. After that, I was hers, and she knew it. She took full advantage of that, I assure you."

Edward winces all through the story. "That sounds horrible. I can understand why you gave in. I wouldn't have lasted that long if I didn't get control of my abilities as soon as I did. I remember the pain when everything was so loud. I would have killed myself before the second week."

Jasper chuckles darkly. "I would have, if given the chance. I'm glad I didn't now. If I had, I never would have known Alice or you or the others. But back then, that was all I wanted."

"You're a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for," Edward says quietly.

Jasper looks at him. "What do you mean?"

"I know you get upset when you struggle with control, but you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. I also see the mental struggle you put up with every day between your mind and your instincts. And considering that and all the crap you had to go through before, you're one of the strongest people I've ever known. It's really impressive."

Jasper smiles slightly. "Thank you," he says simply.

Edward nods. "What do you say we go hunt? There's a pack of wolves up in the mountains."

Jasper smiles for real. "Let's go."

"Alice? Dear?" someone calls as the vision ends. I look up to see Esme standing over me. "Are you alright?" she asks. "You've been sitting like that for half an hour."

I smile at her. "I'm fine, thank you. Could you use any company? It seems I'll be free for quite a while."

She smiles back. "Good. I was hoping so. It's been too long since we've done anything. Want to take a trip to the mall in Seattle?"

I jump up from the couch. "Yes! Let's go!"

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**Yay for brotherly love! Drop me a line to let me know how you think I'm doing!**

**~TheSongSmith  
**


	5. Chapter 5

**Another memory uncovered in this one! Yay!**

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After school the next day, we find ourselves back in Carlisle's office. "Jasper," he says, "Before we get started, I want to talk to you about something."

Jasper looks at him curiously. "What is it?"

"In order to address your problem, we're going to have to go through some pretty scary memories. The ones that you dream about. I just want you to know that, though it will be uncomfortable, I don't want to hurt you or make you upset. If you are ever truly unable to handle a memory, telling me is the right thing to do. Don't worry about disappointing me or Alice or anyone else. If it's too much, just tell me and we'll stop."

Jasper nods. "Thank you. I'll tell you, I promise."

Within a few minutes, they are ready to start again. "Jasper," Carlisle says, "Is there anything specific you associate with your father?"

"Red," he answers immediately. "And dust."

Carlisle nods. "Can we talk about the dust? Is the dust in your nightmares?"

"Yes. We lived on a farm, and I spent a lot of time in the barn when I was little. Especially when he was angry."

I listen carefully. This is a story I've never heard before. "Did your father ever hit you?" Carlisle asks.

Jasper nods slowly. "Yes."

"Did he hurt you in the barn?"

"Yes."

Carlisle writes something on his pad. "More than once?"

Another nod. "Often."

"Can you tell me about one of those times?"

Jasper hesitates for a moment. "I broke a dish. I was hiding in the barn."

"And he found you?" Carlisle asks.

"Yes."

"How old were you?"

"Eight."

"What did he do?"

Jasper shudders. "He picked me up by the collar and yelled in my face. Then he dropped me on the floor."

"In the dust?" Carlisle clarifies.

He nods again. "It hurt so much, and I couldn't get up."

Carlisle makes another note. "And what did he do then?"

Jasper falters for a moment. "H-He…he took the riding crop off the wall…" He flinches repeatedly, as if reliving every blow. "I…"

Carlisle squeezes his hand gently. "That's alright Jasper; I think I get the picture. Do you remember anything that happened after that?"

Jasper takes a minute to collect himself before answering. "I passed out. I didn't wake up for a few days. When I did I was still in the barn, and the wounds were dirty. Mother wouldn't even look at me. She was afraid. Only Kat would help me."

I frown, trying to place the name. "Who was Kat?" Carlisle asks.

"She was my little sister," Jasper explains. "I loved her more than anything, and she loved me too. We took care of each other. I always tried to take the brunt of Father's anger so that she wouldn't get hurt. She was only about six at the time, but she was smart. She made me lie down and let her clean the wounds. She said she couldn't let me get sick because if I died of an infection she'd be all alone."

Carlisle writes something else. "Did she help you often after your father got angry?"

Jasper nods. "Yes. She was the only one who I knew would help."

"Well, I'm glad you had someone to help." Something clouds Jasper's face for a moment, and I know something happened to her. "Jasper," Carlisle asks, "Did something happen to Kat?"

He shivers. "She…She died. A few months before I joined the army."

I hug him gently. "I'm sorry," Carlisle says quietly. "Can you tell us how she died?"

The hand I'm holding gives a slight squeeze. "She collapsed one day. She'd developed a fever. Medicine then wasn't what it is now. She was dead by the end of the week."

"Were you there?" Carlisle asks gently.

"When she died? Yes. She asked me not to leave. After all the things she did for me, all the times she helped me…I couldn't leave her. I was all she had. But after she died, I had nothing keeping me there. So I joined the army."

Carlisle nods. "That was good of you. I'm sure you helped her a lot just by being there. Thank you for telling me about her. Let's end for today."

He starts counting again. When Jasper opens his eyes, there's something sad in them. He sidles closer to me, as if he fears he might lose me if I get too far. I pull him up from the couch silently and lead him out the back door into the forest. He follows without a word. We walk for a long time, until I'm sure we're out of the range of every other person. I sit down in a meadow, pulling him to sit beside me. He watches me curiously for a moment. "What?" he asks finally.

I open my mouth to say something, then close it again. Nothing I say could make this okay. Instead, I pull him against me into a tight hug. He seems to understand, burying his face in the side of my neck. He pauses for a moment before allowing all of the feelings about his sister to come out. I feel his love for her, his desire to protect her, his loneliness and anger and sadness at her death, and a twinge of guilt that I don't quite like. I allow him the time to deal with his emotions, reassuring him gently. I hold him tight against me until he finishes. I kiss his temple, and he looks up at me. "How did you know?" he asks.

I smile softly. "I know you better than you think. I knew you needed some time to deal with your emotions. For someone so good at dealing with the emotions of others, you're not so eager to deal with your own." He smiles slightly. "I want you to listen to me, okay?"

He nods seriously.

"I want you to know that it's alright to be sad. She meant a lot to you, and it wasn't fair that she died so young." He nods again, and I cup his cheek gently. "But you shouldn't blame yourself. It wasn't your fault."

He looks down sadly. "I know. But I still feel guilty. I was supposed to protect her. I was supposed to keep her safe."

I raise his chin gently. "You did, Jazz. You protected her for years. You did your best, and you were there for her until the very end. But no one could have helped her. The technology wasn't there. It couldn't have been stopped. I know you loved her more than anything, and she knew that too. You did everything you could, and she knew it. She loved you just as much. Just because she's not here anymore doesn't mean she has to leave your heart. She's a part of who you are. And I'm grateful you had her."

He stares at me, mildly surprised. "You are?"

"Yes. If it wasn't for her, I never would have met you. She's a part of who you are. If she wasn't in your life, you wouldn't be the same man I fell in love with. You should never be afraid to admit that you miss her. Of course it hurt. You'd have to be made of stone for it to not hurt. I don't think I've seen any better evidence of your humanity than the fact that your sister's death hurts you. Never be ashamed of that."

I kiss him softly, running my fingers through his hair. After a long time, he pulls away. "Thank you," he murmurs.

"For what?"

He smiles. "For everything. For understanding what I need before I know myself. For always being here. Thank you."

I kiss his cheek lightly. "I'll always be here. I promise."

"I know." He stands up, holding out his hand to help me up. When I stand he pulls me close and begins walking in the general direction of the house.

I stroke his cheek gently as we walk. "Are you going to be alright?"

He smiles. "I think that was exactly what I needed. For the first time, I can honestly say I think so."

* * *

**Yay for big brother Jasper! Leave me a review please!**

**~TheSongSmith  
**


	6. Chapter 6

**More memories! I'm excited about this one!**

* * *

"Jasper, I'd like to talk a little bit about your time in Maria's army, if that's alright." Diving straight in to our next session, I hold Jasper securely. I know Carlisle's plan to get through the worst stuff first, and I know it will work, but I also know how hard this will be on Jasper. I know what I'll have to do after this one to help him understand. Jasper nods, and Carlisle continues. "Can you tell me about what you did there?"

"Mostly my job was training. I was the only one who could control them. I taught them how to fight; how to be efficient killers. Then, when they stopped being useful, I had to kill them. She said it had to be me because I could subdue them enough to make sure they didn't run."

"Did any of them try to run?" Carlisle asks.

Jasper nods. "Sometimes. Most didn't get very far."

"Did any escape?"

He hesitates. "Yes…I let them go."

Carlisle nods. "Why?"

"Because…I hated killing them. I knew them, trained them, worried over them. I didn't want to, but I cared about them. And then I had to kill them. These two…they were a mated pair. They loved each other. I could feel it. I just couldn't take that away from them."

I think about Peter and Charlotte; how happy they were together. I wonder how Jasper could still doubt his humanity after that. "Did you ever participate in any of the battles over territory?" Carlisle asks. Jasper nods. "Can you tell me about those battles?"

Jasper nervously rubs the scar on his palm. "They were brutal. Horrible. I was one of the best fighters. I always was. But that didn't mean the more trained soldiers couldn't touch me. They were good too. They didn't kill me, but I was injured a lot. Maria said I got too feral in a fight; that I got hurt so often because I forgot to think."

"What kind of injuries did you suffer in the battles?"

Jasper shivers. "Um…mostly bites. Most newborns try to sink their teeth in as far as they can and rip whatever they've caught. It does more damage that way. There were a couple of detachments of…limbs. Some broken bones. The venom was the worst. The pain lingered for days."

"Did Maria ever injure you?" Carlisle asks.

He bites his lip. "Yes…"

"And what did she do?"

Jasper takes a deep breath. "She'd bite us. She had a special knife that could cut through vampire skin. She used that a lot. And she took advantage of my gift."

Carlisle nods, writing notes on his pad again.

After they finish, I pull Jasper out the door again. "What is it?' he asks curiously.

"You'll see in a minute. There's something we need to do." He follows me out to the same meadow as yesterday. I quickly check the future to make sure we're alone before kissing him softly.

He relaxes, kissing me back. But when I tug at his shirt, he stiffens and pulls away. "Alice?" he questions nervously.

I shush him gently. "I know you're scared, but it's alright. We need to do this. You can trust me."

His eyes widen as he realizes what I'm about to do. "I can't," he says. "Please don't."

I stroke his cheek lightly. "Jasper, it's alright to be afraid. You know I wouldn't do this if it wasn't going to help you. I love you, and I want you to get better. This needs to happen. Please trust me."

He hesitates, but nods. "Okay," he agrees quietly. "Do it."

I gently tug his shirt off, revealing the scars he so desperately tries to hide. He squeezes his eyes shut, completely tensed. He gasps softly as I run my fingers slowly down his chest. It's not that we haven't been intimate before. But now I'm focusing solely on his scars. I want him to understand that they don't make him the monster he thinks he is. "Lie down, love," I instruct gently. He does so stiffly, almost mechanically. I kneel down beside him. "Jasper, I don't want you to try and bury your emotions. It's alright."

"W-Why, Alice?" he asks. "Why are you doing this?"

I can see the terror in his eyes. My heart breaks for him, but I know this has to happen. I kiss his cheek gently. "Because I want you to understand how I really see you. You need to know what the scars mean to me. I don't want to cause you pain. I never want to hurt you. But this is the only way I know you can come to terms with this. It will be okay, I promise you that. I'm here. It's okay to let it out."

He nods reluctantly. "I understand. I'll try," he murmurs.

I kiss him softly. "That's all I ask." I pull back for a minute, deciding to start with the hardest part first. I move down to his neck, kissing the scars there. He winces slightly, and I stroke his cheek, trying to calm him. I move down his chest, making sure to kiss every scar along the way. He trembles slightly, his eyes still firmly shut. He's still afraid I'll reject him after all this time.

"Jasper," I call softly. "Open your eyes, sweetheart." Slowly, he obeys, and I smile reassuringly. "You don't have to be afraid. Feel my emotions. I'm not afraid or angry or disappointed or any of the things you're scared I'll be. What do you feel?"

He hesitates for a moment. "I-I…You l-love me…" he whispers, awed. "It…it only got stronger when you saw them…"

I smile, kissing his cheek gently. "Yes. That's what I've been trying to show you all these years. Jasper, I love you more than my life. I love all of you. The scars don't matter to me. They don't make you any more of a monster than I am, or anyone else for that matter. I love you always, without exceptions. The only thing I see when I look at those scars is how strong a person you are to overcome all those terrible things. You're a good person, Jasper. And I love you exactly as you are. You need to learn to love yourself the same way."

He smiles slightly, hugging me close to his chest. His trembling stops, and he kisses me passionately. "I love you, Alice," he murmurs. "I love you so much."

I kiss him back, just as firmly. "I love you too, Jasper. I want you to learn to love yourself the same way you love me."

He pulls back slightly. "If it makes you happy, then I'll try."

I kiss his cheek. "Thank you."

He pauses for a moment, thinking, before turning to me with a grin. "I have an idea."

I raise an eyebrow at him. "What's the idea?"

"Do you remember how we decided not to mark each other?"

I nod. Most mated pairs mark the other as theirs. They leave a mark at the neck of the other mate to solidify their bond. Jasper and I never performed the ritual, partly because he hates having anyone's teeth close to his throat.

"I think we should do it," he says.

I choke on my words. "You…really?"

He smiles. "Yes. You're right. I trust you."

I grin and kiss him again. "Okay then. Come on, cowboy."

* * *

**So, what do you think? Let me know!**

**~TheSongSmith  
**


	7. Chapter 7

**Yay for family!**

* * *

"You're sure you want to do this?" I ask one more time.

Jasper nods impatiently. "I want this. I promise."

I nod and lean my head against his shoulder, gently kissing the spot I'll be marking. He shivers lightly. I pull back slightly, smiling and kissing him softly. "I love you," I murmur against his lips.

He smiles. "I love you too. So much."

"Ready?" I ask. He nods, resting his teeth against my skin. Together, we gently break through the skin, tasting the venom and blood from our earlier hunt. The feeling of being connected is intoxicating, and it's really hard to focus enough to pull away after the process is complete, but I manage. Jasper kisses my mark when he's finished, and I hum softly at the pleasant feeling that shoots through me. "So how was it?"

He chuckles. "Not so bad, but that's probably because it was you."

I nod thoughtfully for a moment. "I know how you can get over that fear."

He raises an eyebrow. "Oh? And how do I do that?"

"A sort of exposure therapy. Practice with Esme. Let her get close to your throat. The more it happens, the faster you'll get used to it, and the less stressful it'll be."

He nods. "Maybe I'll try it. Want to come along?"

I take his hand. "Of course."

He leads me downstairs into the drawing room, where Esme is sketching something. She looks up when we enter. "Hello dears. How are things going?"

"Things are pretty good," Jasper replies. "Actually, I was hoping you could help me with something. If you're not busy, that is."

She smiles kindly. "Of course I'll help. What do you need?"

"I'm trying to get over my issues with having people near my throat," he explains. "Alice thinks that the more I'm exposed to it, the less stressful it will be."

She nods thoughtfully. "So you want me to be close to your throat for a while? I can do that." He smiles, relieved, and sits down on the couch. She sits beside him. "So how do you want to do this?" she asks.

He thinks. "Maybe we could start off a little further away and then get closer?"

"Whatever will help," she agrees. "Is it okay if I hug you?"

He nods. "Hugs will work."

She reaches out, hugging him gently and resting her head against the outside of his shoulder. "How's this?" she asks

"It's fine," he says. "You can move a little closer."

She obeys, moving her head to rest in the middle of his shoulder. "And now?"

"Still okay," he assures her. She moves closer again so he can feel her breath on his neck. He stiffens slightly. "Um…stay there for a minute…" She nods and stills, humming softly. After a few minutes, he relaxes. "Okay," he says finally, "You can move closer."

She hesitates. "Jasper, if I move any closer I'll be touching your throat. Is that okay with you?"

He bites his lip, but nods. "Yeah, it's okay. Just don't be upset if I pull away. It's not you."

She nods. "I understand." Slowly, she moves forward until her lips brush his throat. He goes tense, trembling slightly in an effort to stay put. I'm afraid he's going to panic, but Esme rubs his back reassuringly, murmuring softly. "It's alright, sweetheart. It's just me. I'd never hurt you."

I watch in amazement as he slowly relaxes. He smiles slightly. "I know, Mama."

She grins and kisses his throat lightly before pulling back. "I knew you could do it," she tells him.

He smiles bashfully. "Thank you for your help."

"Thank you for asking me to help," she replies. "I'm so proud of you. If you ever need anything at all, you can always ask me, okay?"

He nods. "I will."

I hug him tightly, leading him from the room. "You did it!"

He laughs softly. "Yeah, I guess I did. Thank you for suggesting it. I really needed to do that."

I nod, kissing his cheek lightly. "So, where do you go from here?"

He thinks for a minute. "Well, Esme's not really that intimidating to begin with. Maybe I'll try with the others. Emmett or Carlisle or somebody. Or maybe I'll ask Seth to do it…"

I smile at what this has done for his self esteem. "Wow, look at that. You're so confident you'll let a wolf do it. I don't think you've been this sure of anything in years!" I tease lightly.

He laughs. "Well, I figured Seth's nice, and he's friends with Edward so he likes us. I'd ask Leah, but even if she agreed she might actually bite my head off. Maybe I'll start with the family, and then Seth, and go from there."

I giggle. "Seth it is, then. We'll call him later."

He nods, still grinning like the Cheshire cat. "I never thought this would be possible," he murmurs. "I thought I'd just always be afraid."

"I knew it was possible," I say, "But you had to learn to trust people first."

He nods thoughtfully. "I guess I never realized how much I trust Esme and Carlisle until now. I was afraid to admit it, because I thought they'd take advantage of it. But I was so wrong. I wish I had done it sooner."

"The important thing is you're doing it now," I remind him. "And anyone can see how much happier you are. And I don't have to be you to know how happy Esme was."

He smiles. "She was really happy. She'd been hoping I'd call her that someday."

"Of course she did. She knew that you'd only call her that when you trusted her. That's why she's so happy."

He nods thoughtfully. "I guess that makes sense. It's kind of nice."

"What is?"

He smiles sheepishly. "To have parents like them," he murmurs. "Not even my human parents were there for me the way they are. I didn't realize how much I wanted to let them be my parents. How much I wanted to trust them. And as much as I knew they wouldn't be like my human parents or Maria, I couldn't believe it. But they've never let me down or hurt me or abandoned me. They're always there for me. I trust them."

Suddenly, Carlisle and Esme appear, sitting down on either side of us. "We'll always be here for you," Carlisle assures him.

"And we will always love you, no matter what," Esme adds. She hugs him gently. "We didn't mean to intrude, but we are so happy that you consider us your parents. And we're so proud of you."

He looks between the two of them for a moment. "What if I keep messing up?" he asks quietly. "What if I do something really bad? Or if I can't get past my fears?"

Carlisle smiles and hugs him too. "We will still love you, even if all those things happen. There will never be a time when we won't love you or be there for you."

Jasper smiles and relaxes. "Okay." He pauses for a moment. "Hey Carlisle? Would it be alright if I…called you dad?"

He grins. "Jasper, I would love it if you called me that."

"Thank you dad."

"No need, son. I'm happy you think of me that way."

Esme smiles and kisses his cheek lightly. "I love you, Jasper."

He hugs her tightly. "I love you too, Mama."

"We'll be right downstairs if you need anything," she says. "We'll be happy to help."

He nods and hugs Carlisle. "Thanks dad."

"For what?"

He smiles. "Everything. I love you."

"I love you too, son. Let us know if we can help."

They walk back downstairs, and Jasper lies back on the bed, grinning widely. I lay my head on his shoulder. "So, how does it feel?" I ask.

He kisses my cheek. "Like I finally have a real family."

* * *

**So, what do you think? Please review and let me know!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Friendship is magic my friends.**

* * *

"You want me to do _what_?" Seth asks, confused.

Jasper sighs, sitting next to him. "I know it sounds weird, but I really need your help."

Seth stares at him for a minute. "Yeah," he answers finally, "Okay. As long as you don't, like, kill me or anything."

"I won't I promise," Jasper grins. Ever since he discovered that he could do it, he's been wanting to try with just about everyone who will stop to listen. He's gone through everyone in the family except Carlisle, though he won't tell me why. Today he's decided to branch out to the pack. Seth raises an eyebrow. "What?" Jasper asks, puzzled.

"I don't think I've ever seen you smile before," Seth says. "It's kind of weird."

Jasper chuckles. "Yeah, I've been getting that a lot. I'm trying this new thing where I'm not all doom and gloom. So you'll help me?"

Seth smiles a little at this. "Yeah, I'll help. You know, Leah was kind of pissed you didn't ask her first."

"Really?"

"Yeah. She likes you for some reason. I guess you were both kinda the same. I tried to tell her it was because of her friendly demeanor, and she hit me."

Jasper laughs. "I'll have to ask her later."

Seth grins. "It was because of her demeanor, right?"

"Yeah, it was," he admits. "But please don't tell her!"

Seth laughs. "I won't, promise." He rubs his arm. "Learned that one the hard way," He jokes. "So, are we doing this or what?"

"Yes," Jasper replies, "Let's get started." They go through the exercise quickly and chat a little while longer before Seth says what's on his mind.

"You didn't bring me here just for that, did you? You could have gotten that from any one."

Jasper bites his lip. "Yeah, you're right. I was kind of hoping you could phase and we could do it that way…"

Seth hesitates. "I'll do it if you want," he replies, "But are you sure it's okay?"

"I…don't know," he says uneasily. "I want to. I'm just not sure what I'll do if it gets to be too much. I don't want to hurt you."

Seth nods thoughtfully. "Well, we could try. I don't mind."

"But what if I panic and hurt you?" Jasper asks worriedly.

"Then it happens and we try again some other time," Seth replies easily, shrugging. "I'll be fine. Besides, Carlisle's inside, and considering I heal pretty fast anyway, I'm sure I'll be fine."

Jasper stares at him with wide eyes. "That doesn't bother you? You'd take the risk that I could hurt you?"

Seth nods. "Yeah. I'm not worried. Plus, I like this thing we have here. And I like what you're trying to do. So, if I get a few bumps and bruises along the way…well, it wouldn't be the first time. Friendship is tough."

Jasper smiles slightly. "Friendship…?"

Seth ducks his head. "Well, I kind of figured…you know, if you wanted to…"

"I think I'd like that," Jasper replies quietly. "I don't get that a lot."

He smiles. "Me too. Okay then. So we're trying this?"

Jasper nods, and Seth phases and pokes Jasper's shoulder with his snout. Jasper smiles. "Okay, slowly." Slowly, Seth moves closer until his snout rests against Jasper's throat. Though he tenses slightly, Jasper remains calm. "Okay," he says, "I'm going to ask you to do something kind of weird. I just want to see if I can do it." Seth nods against him. "I want you to make it like you're really going to bite me."

Seth pulls back, baring his teeth questioningly. "Yes," Jasper says, "Like you're really going to do it. Teeth and everything." Seth nudges his throat again. "Yeah, there."

Seth huffs, but nods. His moves his teeth around Jasper's throat, but the movement is too quick. It startles Jasper, who panics and moves to block him. The crunch of a broken bone rings through the air, and Seth skids back a few feet, whining softly. Jasper's eyes widen as Seth phases back and he realizes what he's done. "I…I'm…I didn't mean to," he stutters nervously. "I-I'm so sorry…" he hesitates for a moment, then turns and sprints into the woods.

I start after him, but Seth stops me. "No, let me go. He won't believe you."

I nod begrudgingly. "Are you alright?"

"I'll be fine," he assures me before running off in the direction Jasper went. I have to search a while before I can see them. Jasper sits at the base of a tree, his head in his hands when Seth approaches. "Jasper?"

His head snaps up, his expression a mix of fear and disappointment. "I'm so sorry," he says again. "I just panicked. I didn't mean to hurt you."

Seth sits down next to him. "I know. It's alright. It was my fault; I should have slowed down."

"But I hurt you!" Jasper insists. "We just decided to be friends and then I hurt you!"

Seth shakes his head, amused. "Did you listen to any of what I said before? I don't care. It's not like anything bad happened. Give me an hour and I'll be good as new. It's just a small collarbone break. Not a big deal."

Jasper stares at him. "You're not mad?"

"'Course not," Seth replies easily. "Not the first time or the last. It happens."

"And…you still want me to be your friend?"

"Yeah."

Jasper shakes his head in disbelief. "Okay. Sorry about the collarbone."

"That's okay. Come on, we'll go have Carlisle set it and I'll be good as new." Jasper nods and gets up, following him back to the house. When his bones are back in order, he puts his good arm around Jasper's shoulders. "So, when should we try again?"

Jasper sighs. "I think maybe we should wait awhile."

Seth nods. "Yeah, that's probably a good idea. But we can still hang out, right? We should do something tomorrow."

Jasper nods slowly, a little surprised. "Sure."

"So what do you want to do?" Jasper shrugs, and Seth rolls his eyes. "Oh come on, there has to be something around here you want to do."

"Well…we could go bowling," he says, unsure.

Seth grins. "Bowling sounds great. I'll see you tomorrow afternoon."

* * *

**Yay friends! Please review people. It makes me soooo happy!**

**~TheSongSmith  
**


	9. Chapter 9

**Back with another family moment :D**

* * *

"Jasper, why won't you let Carlisle help?" I ask one morning.

He frowns and mumbles a "No reason," looking away.

I gently turn his chin back to face me. "I know you have a reason. You always have a reason. What is it?"

"I…I don't know," he murmurs finally. "He's…my leader."

I nod thoughtfully. "It makes you nervous because he's the head of our coven?"

Begrudgingly, he nods. "I don't want to disappoint him."

I sigh, hugging him gently. "You know he doesn't work like normal coven leaders. He wouldn't be disappointed. He wants to help."

"I know that," he admits. "But I've never known someone like him. With normal coven leaders I always knew what to expect. I don't know how to act with him."

I smile, kissing his cheek. "Go talk to him. Tell him what you told me."

He stares at me. "Now?"

"Yes, now." He sighs and stands, looking back at me to see if I'm following. I shake my head. "I'm sorry, I can't this time. This is something between the two of you. But don't worry. It'll be fine, I promise."

He nods and slowly walks out as I pick up the vision a few seconds ahead. I watch as he knocks on the open door. Carlisle looks up and smiles. "Hi Jasper. Come on in." Slowly, he obeys, sitting down on the couch. "Something I can help you with?"

Jasper sighs. "Alice thinks I should talk to you. About…us."

Carlisle nods and sits down next to him. "Okay. I've been hearing about what you've been doing, by the way. I'm proud of you."

"You are?" Jasper asks, surprised.

"Yeah. It takes a lot of guts to step that far out of your comfort zone. And Esme was thrilled when you asked her to help."

He smiles slightly. "I know she was." He grows serious again. "Are you mad that I didn't ask you?"

Carlisle shakes his head. "I'm not mad. I get that it's hard."

"Well Alice…and I…think you deserve an explanation. Because it's not that I don't like you."

"I know, son," Carlisle replies gently. "If you'd like to explain, go ahead. I'm all yours."

Jasper hesitates for a moment before beginning. "Well, other coven leaders work the same way. If you disobey or disagree or screw up or say something wrong, you get punished. There's never any difference. I knew what to expect with Maria, because she followed the standard form of coven leaders. I knew exactly what she would do if I tried to tell her my opinions. I'm used to that." Carlisle nods, and he continues. "I'm really used to that system. And then there's you, and you don't conform to any of those rules. I don't know what to expect or what the system is. It makes me nervous. I don't want to offend you or make you upset and get kicked out of the group or anything."

Carlisle smiles slightly. "I understand. What do you think about talking a bit so that you do know what to expect from me?"

"Um…yeah, I think that would help," Jasper agrees, relaxing slightly.

"So, a lot of the things you're worried about are related to doing things wrong and getting kicked out?" Carlisle asks. Jasper nods seriously. "Okay then," Carlisle continues. "Firstly, though we do have serious rules here, you will never be kicked out."

Jasper's eyes widen slightly. "Even if I can't control myself and keep attacking people?" he asks.

"Even then," Carlisle assures him.

"Even if I do something really bad, like attack you?"

Carlisle sighs. "We'll talk about attacking me later, but the main point is that under no circumstances will you be asked or forced to leave, okay?"

"Okay," he agrees. "What happens when I do something bad?"

Carlisle hesitates. "Why don't we talk a little about the rules and expectations first?" Jasper nods. "As you know, one of our rules is that we don't hunt humans. It's a very serious rule, but everyone has broken it at one time or another. If you do accidentally slip, and you come to me and tell me what happened, you will not be punished. The only time you would be disciplined in relation to that rule is if you purposely hurt a human or if you ran away instead of coming to me. It's nothing to be hidden. You tell me and we'll deal with it and move on. If you run, you're putting the rest of the family at risk, and that is a punishable offense. With me so far?"

Jasper nods slowly. "Yeah. But what happens if I do get punished?" he asks nervously.

Carlisle pats his knee gently. "Don't worry, I'm getting to that. Now, the next most serious rule is about violence. We do not allow fighting in the house. You can wrestle with your brothers, but please keep it outside. Accidental injuries are never punishable offenses. Now, you mentioned attacking me. In other covens you might have been killed for such an action, right?"

Jasper nods nervously. "It's not that I'm planning on it, I just…" he breaks off, unsure of how to continue.

Carlisle smiles. "I know, and that's a good question. Both Emmett and Edward have attacked me at least once. And neither of them was punished for it."

Jasper's eyes widen in disbelief. "But…they attacked their coven leader!"

"Well, they attacked their father. And, while I didn't enjoy it or condone it, I understand that it's natural for those of our kind. We have instincts that sometimes get the better of us. And if one of my children attacks me, it's a sign to me that something between us needs repair. With both Edward and Emmett, once they'd calmed down we sat down and talked about what happened and why they did that. Many times it's a fault on both sides, and once we've discussed it we move on. No one can fault you for your nature. It happens. And that's okay."

"So you won't be mad if it happens?" Jasper asks nervously.

Carlisle smiles. "I won't be mad no matter what mistakes you make. The mistake isn't nearly as important as what you do afterwards. As long as you own up to your mistake and come to me and discuss it with me, I won't be mad."

"And…if I don't come to you?" he asks.

"If you don't come to me…if you try to hide your mistake or run away, then I won't be upset with you. I will be a little disappointed that you were afraid to come to me, but once you stop running the same things will happen. If you do run, and we discuss it later, and there is a legitimate reason behind the running, you probably won't be disciplined, or yours will not be as severe. But it is a very rare occasion that I discipline any of you. Usually, you learn enough from our discussion that I don't have to."

Jasper nods thoughtfully. "But, say I really did do something that you had to punish me for. What do you do?"

Carlisle sighs. "I know that you are used to very cruel or violent forms of punishment. That is how most coven leaders behave. But, to be honest, I just don't have the heart for it. So I promise you that I will never ever be cruel or punish you physically. I don't think anyone gets anything out of punishments like that. I don't punish my children. If I have to, I discipline them. The difference is that, while punishment is a consequence of an action, discipline is reinforcing the understanding of why the consequence was necessary. We will always, _always_ talk before any consequences are decided upon. I think it's only fair that you get a chance to tell your side of the story. Usually, my biggest punishment is grounding. The severity of the crime determines to what degree that is."

Jasper relaxes a little bit. "Thank you for explaining," he says. "This does help."

Carlisle smiles. "I'm glad. Now, there's just a couple of main points to remember: That I will never hurt you; that you should never be afraid to come to me about anything; that you should never be too ashamed to admit to a mistake, and that I try to be absolutely fair and discuss things with you so that both of us have an understanding. You should never be afraid to disagree with me or upset me. I'm not your master. I'm your father, and as such I realize that you are your own person, and that I don't own you."

Slowly, Jasper smiles. "I've never had anyone do this," he admits.

"What? Explain how things work?"

He nods. "Usually it's just kind of understood that you get punished if you do something displeasing."

Carlisle shrugs. "Well, no one ever accused me of being usual. I'm glad this helped. And if you ever do want to know about anything, you can always come to me. This is your home, and whatever it takes to make you comfortable here, we'll do."

Jasper smiles wider. "Thank you, Car…dad. I feel a lot better. Do you think we could talk some more later?"

Carlisle smiles broadly. "We can talk whenever you want, Jazz. Just let me know and I'm all yours for as long as you need me."

"Thank you," he says, smiling, "I'll definitely take you up on that. See you later."

Carlisle hugs him gently. "See you later, son."

* * *

**Yay! I hope to have the next chapter out sooner, and I hope you enjoyed this one! Please review and make me smile :)**

**~TheSongSmith  
**


	10. Chapter 10

**I'm so sorry you guys! I had no idea where to take this, and then I was looking through some unpublished oneshots I wrote a while ago and realized this one fit kind of perfectly. I also wanted to bring some other POVs in, so it really worked. I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

**CPOV**

I jump at the loud knock on my office door.

"Carlisle! Carlisle!" Alice shouts.

"Come in," I say curiously. She bursts into the room, Jasper trailing behind. "What's the matter, Alice?"

"She's coming! I don't know why, but she is! What do we do?" She asks hysterically.

"Hold on a minute," I say. "Who's coming?"

"Maria," she explains frantically. "I don't know why, I can't see it. Like she hasn't decided why she's coming."

As she explains, I watch Jasper. His face gives away nothing, displaying no shred of emotion whatsoever, but he swallows hard and stares at the floor at the mention of her name. "How long do we have before she gets here?"

Alice bites her lip, considering it. "A few days at the most."

I nod thoughtfully. "Alice, can I please speak with Jasper alone?" She hesitates, and Jasper looks up sharply, a hint of surprise in his eyes.

"Why?" she asks finally.

"Because I'd like to speak with him. It's alright, he's not in trouble." Alice looks to Jasper, who nods uncertainly, before leaving the room.

For a moment I look at my son. He stands in his typical soldier's posture, tensed like he's on the battlefield. His jaw clenches nervously, and his eyes never leave the floor. Deciding that sitting behind the desk is too formal for this sort of conversation, I move instead to the couch. "Why don't you come sit down with me?" I ask gently. He nods tersely and comes over, sitting rigidly on the very edge of the seat, as far from me as possible. I frown. "Um…Jasper?"

He looks up briefly before returning his gaze to the floor. "Yes, Sir?" he murmurs nervously.

"It's alright, you can relax. I just wanted to talk to you about this whole thing. And you know you don't have to call me 'Sir'." I smile encouragingly. "It makes me feel old."

He nods quickly. "Right. I'm sorry, Si…Carlisle."

"That's okay. I really wanted to talk to you about the Maria situation, if that's alright." He nods again, but doesn't relax even a little bit. "Well…what do you think she wants?" I start.

He shrugs. "Don't know. Alice can't see…"

"I'm aware. But that wasn't my question. What do _you_ think she's coming for?"

He studies my face carefully for a moment, as if trying to see if this is some sort of trick. "Well," he says finally, "If I had to take a guess, she's probably here for me. Either to take me back, or to punish me for leaving."

I nod, thinking this over. "Well," I assure him, "Whatever she's here for, we'll protect you. I promise."

He looks up sharply at this. "No!" he protests, betraying the first sign of emotion since he entered. "I mean…that's not necessary. It's not your fight."

I frown at this. "Jasper, it is my fight. You're my son, and I'm not going to sit here and let her do something to you. You're a part of this family, and I guarantee you everyone will feel the same way."

He looks down at the floor again. "There's no reason to put everyone in danger because of me. I'm not worth it," he murmurs.

A growl of frustration escapes me. "Yes Jasper, you are worth it!" I insist, louder than I intended.

He jumps, startled by my voice. "R-right," he stammers. "Sorry Sir, I-I won't s-say it again…"

I sigh, taking a moment to get a grip. "No, Jasper, it's alright, I'm not mad at you. Sorry about that. But you are worth it. It's time you started accepting that we really do care about you."

He nods solemnly. "I know, but I don't want anyone to get hurt because of me," he says quietly.

"We won't, Jazz," I assure him. "There's eight of us and only one of her. We'll be fine."

He snorts. "That won't matter if she's set on doing something. You don't know her, Carlisle."

I nod thoughtfully. "So why don't you tell me?"

He looks at me as if I'm crazy for a moment. "Tell you? Tell you what?"

"About her," I clarify. "You're right, I don't know her. But it might help if I did."

He searches my face for a moment, as if he thinks I might be joking. "What do you want to know?" he asks finally.

I shrug. "Anything you want to tell me. Like…you said she might be coming to punish you. What would she do if that were the case? What does she view as punishment?"

Jasper shivers a little. "Anything that will hurt, really. She used to bite us, or burn us, or starve us, or hit us, or…do other things," he says quickly.

"Other things?"

He hesitates. "Well…She buried us alive a couple of times," he murmurs. "If you did something really bad she'd dismember you. And for me specifically, she'd keep me somewhere with a painful emotional climate for a few days. But her favorite thing to do was publically humiliate us."

I nod thoughtfully. "How did she do that?"

He stiffens even more. "She had a lot of ways. Sometimes she'd just berate us in front of everyone else. And sometimes she'd…um…force herself…on us…and make everyone watch." His voice wavers towards the end.

I'm so shocked by this that I can't say anything for a minute. I knew she was bad, but never that bad. "She…raped people?" I choke out finally. Jasper winces a little at the word, but nods. "And did…did she ever do it to you?" He nods again. "Jasper, I'm so sorry," I murmur softly.

"Not your fault," he says, shrugging.

"No, it's not," I agree, "But still. I know how horrible that is."

He looks up curiously. "You do?"

I nod. "Yes. I guess I never told you about that, huh?" He shakes his head. "Well, would you like to know?" He hesitates for a moment, but nods.

I take a deep breath and begin my story. "Maria sounds an awful lot like my human father. He used to do a lot of the same things you just mentioned…including the last one." His eyes grow wide as he realizes what I'm saying. "Well," I continue, "Usually it only happened when we were alone in the house. But then one day…" I shudder at the memory. "Well, this one day he was drunk, and a bunch of his friends were over. I tripped and spilled something, and he wasn't happy about it. Not only did his friends watch, but they…joined in. It's a horrible feeling, isn't it?"

He nods, watching me for a second. Slowly, he relaxes. "Sometimes they joined in with me too," he says quietly. "It was awful. And I couldn't fight back or it would only get worse. Sometimes she'd make one of the…boys do it." His breath hitches. "It was both painful and embarrassing that way. That's why she favored it."

His eyes fill with sadness, and I hold out my arms towards him. He quickly moves to be within my embrace, and I feel him shudder. "It's alright, Jazz," I murmur, trying to soothe him. "I won't let her hurt you again, alright? You're safe now." A sob escapes him, and he clings to me tightly. I rub slow circles on his back as he finally breaks down and lets go of the feelings he's kept inside for hundreds of years. "Shh, it's okay son," I soothe gently, "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. Just let it out."

He sobs for a long time, and I continue to murmur softly to him, holding him tightly. After a while, he slowly calms in my embrace. Hesitantly, he looks up. "I'm sorry about that…" he whispers.

"It's alright," I assure him. "I'm just glad you finally let it out. It's going to be okay now, alright? I won't let her hurt you."

He smiles meekly. "I know you won't. Thank you."

I smile back at him. "You're welcome." I hug him tightly once more. "Now, let's clean you up. If we don't get you back soon, Alice will break down my door."

He chuckles lightly and follows me into the bathroom to clean up. Before he leaves, he turns and hugs me quickly. "Thanks again. For everything."

I smile. "No problem. And if you ever want to talk, I'll be here." He nods before turning to leave. "Oh, and Jasper?" He turns back. "I just wanted to say…I love you. And don't worry about Maria. We'll handle it."

He grins. "I love you too, dad. And I know you will."

* * *

**So there you go, a bonding moment and some incoming drama! Please please review, it makes me happy! Now that I know what will happen, I'll write faster :D**

**Until next time,  
**

**TheSongSmith  
**


	11. Chapter 11

**Here we are with a drama filled installment! Enjoy!**

* * *

**CPOV**

I was a little surprised when Jasper asked if I would go hunting with him today, but considering it's the first time he's ever asked to spend time with me, how could I say no? We found a group of mountain lions in the woods, feeding on them until we were both satisfied. Now, we walk through the trees in a peaceful silence, and for once it has nothing to do with his gift. "Hey dad? We should-" he starts, then freezes. I catch a whiff of an unfamiliar scent, and from the way Jasper seems to shrink a bit, I know who it is.

"Maria?" I ask softly. He nods slowly, both frozen in place and somehow growing smaller. He takes a step towards the scent, looking as though he'd rather do anything else, but unable to turn away. "Jasper, son?" I say softly, relieved when his nervous gaze shifts to mine. "Stay calm, son. Why don't we go back to the house?"

He shakes his head. "No, I should face her," he murmurs softly. "I have to. She's still my creator, and I don't think I can physically leave." Of course, I should have known. Her training is still deeply imbedded somewhere in him, and he won't be able to defy her. His expression gives away the fact that this thought terrifies him.

I take his hand gently. "Okay then. I'm going to go with you, okay? I won't let her do anything to you."

He sidles a little closer, whispering a grateful "Thank you," before moving slowly in the direction of the scent. The stronger it gets, the tighter his grip on my hand gets, and the closer he moves to me. Suddenly, he stops, his own emotions projecting due to his fear. "She's here," he breathes. Suddenly, a woman drops from the trees. Based on what I know, I expected her to be a bit bigger, more imposing, but it's clear from the way Jasper shrinks back that her size isn't the scary thing about her.

Straightening up, she smirks. "Well well Major, looks like you haven't lost your touch after all." Jasper doesn't respond, watching closely as her eyes narrow, passing over me. "Too afraid to face me yourself? I always thought you fought your own battles."

Though she didn't move, the effect is as clear as if she'd walked up and slapped him. He winces, stepping behind me a little. "I'm Carlisle Cullen," I say shortly. "I'm Jasper's father."

She frowns for a moment before smiling. "What made you think taking in my broken little toy was a good idea?"

Jasper looks down, and I can feel the embarrassment radiating from him. I squeeze his hand gently, stepping further in front of him. "I love him, and he is NOT broken," I say, feeling my anger rise. "He's my son, and I'll always love him."

She laughs darkly. "Oh, that's right, you're the weirdo doctor who's power is being nice. That's sweet." This pulls a low growl from Jasper, and her eyes flick to his face. "Have something to say, Major?"

He swallows hard. "Don't talk about him that way," he mutters. "My family cares about me. Carlisle is here because he loves me. I'm happy to be his son." My heart leaps a little at his words, but I see her eyes narrow.

"You really think him and his family care about you? You're just a little charity case. We both know you don't belong. Being with me is the only think you were ever good for. I don't know why you even try to hide the monster you are."

A loud snarl rings through the air, and it takes the feeling of Jasper's shock for me to realize that it came from my own chest. "You will NOT talk about my son that way! Jasper is an amazing, brilliant, sensitive, caring boy, and I couldn't be any prouder to call him my son. You're the only monster I see here, and you've hurt him for years. I'm here because I refuse to let you hurt him any further. If you were smart, you'd shut up, turn around, and go back where you came from. You don't know him at all, and you don't deserve to. You're lucky I haven't killed you yet for all the things you've put him through. Now do the smart thing and go home."

She barely bats an eyelash at this, smirking. "Aww, is the big, bad doctor gonna hurt me? You see, that's what you don't understand. I don't care what he's like or how amazing he is. The only thing that matters to me is that he's _mine_. My property; and that's all he'll ever be. I'm here to collect what's mine."

Jasper flinches at her words, his shame and hurt evident. "He doesn't belong to you," I growl. "He doesn't belong to anybody. He belongs to himself, and he belongs with our family. Leave him alone."

She smirks, shaking her head slowly. "You really don't get it, do you?" She looks him up and down for a moment before grinning. "Come here, Major. Now," she orders.

I feel his emotions shift to pure terror as he takes a few steps towards her, unable to defy her command. A soft whimper escapes him as he clings desperately to my hand. Just then, five blurs streak into the clearing, coming to a stop between Jasper and Maria. Looking over my family, all crouched defensively in front of him, I find myself very proud. Jasper's surprise at their appearance breaks the power of her command, and he gratefully moves back behind me.

"You see, Maria, maybe you're the one who doesn't understand," Edward spits. "We love Jasper, and we'd all do anything for him. That's what a family does. They protect each other. He's not your toy; he's my brother, and that's stronger than anything you could do. If you want him, you're going to have to go through all of us first."

She is clearly outraged, glancing over the group. "What's wrong with you people? Can't you see he's just a worthless plaything? Why do any of you want him?"

At her words, all of the kids lunge at her, knocking her to the ground. Jasper's eyes go wide as he watches them, even his little Alice, ready to rip her to shreds. "Don't you dare say another thing about him!" she growls. "We all love Jasper, and we know that he's more than you could ever know."

"He's got a lot more worth than you," Emmett chimes in. "He's a great brother and a great friend."

"And he's the best son anyone could ever want," Esme adds. "It's a shame that you can't see that, but we do, and we're not letting you hurt him anymore."

Alice looks about ready to rip her throat out when Jasper speaks up. "Wait," he whispers. Hesitating, he slowly moves closer to where the kids have her pinned to the ground, tugging me along with him. Taking a breath, he looks down at her. "You're wrong," he says softly. "I'm not yours. Not anymore. I'm happy here. I love my family, and they love me, and there's nothing you can do to make me want to be with you ever again. They've helped me deal with all the things you did to me, and they showed me what love is. Go find someone else to play with. I don't belong to you anymore." She is clearly angered by his words, her eyes narrowed. Jasper looks around at all of us for a moment. "Let her go," he says finally.

Carefully, the kids release her, still standing protectively in front of him. Maria looks around, glaring but realizing that she'd never win. "This isn't over," she mutters before turning and disappearing into the trees.

Jasper takes a shaky breath, trembling hard. He turns to me. "Daddy…" he whimpers. I pull him close, holding him to my chest. "Shh son," I murmur soothingly. "You're safe. I've got you. Deep breaths now."

He nods, hiding his face against my neck. Esme places a gentle hand on his shoulder, squeezing lightly. "We're so proud of you, honey." His breaths come a little easier. Alice lightly runs her fingers through his hair as Edward, Emmett, and Rosalie rub his back gently.

Gradually, his trembling stops as he calms, and after a while he looks up. "Thank you all for what you did," he murmurs. "I couldn't have done it without you."

Esme smiles, kissing his cheek. "We wouldn't be us without you. We love you."

"And what would life be without my twin?" Rosalie says, smiling. Jasper gives a small smile in return.

"I wouldn't have anyone to wrestle with," Emmett adds, which makes his brother laugh softly.

"I'd have to read all those books by myself," Edward says.

"You know I wouldn't survive without you," Alice smiles, kissing him softly.

I look around at all of them, wishing I could take a picture of this. "Our family just wouldn't be complete without you, Jasper."

He smiles shyly, his grip on me relaxing. "I love you all," he says softly. "I couldn't imagine being anywhere else but with you." He frowns. "What if she comes back?"

I smile softly. "Then we'll just have to teach her again. We'll always be here to protect you, no matter what you're up against."

He smiles again. "I know. Thank you." He releases me, hugging each member of the family before looking back at me. "Let's go home." I nod, taking his hand as we walk home as a family.

* * *

**Aww, yay for family! As always, please review and make me smile :)**

**Until next time,  
**

**TheSongSmith  
**


	12. Chapter 12

**Woahhhh new chapter! Sorry for taking so long, I had too many ideas in my head and couldn't figure out which to go with. Also, FYI I've written the final chapter of the story, but I think I'm going to add one or two more before that. Allons-y!**

* * *

**CPOV**

On the walk home, Jasper stays close to me. I hold one of his hands while Alice holds the other. I watch him as we walk, noticing that he seems to be thinking hard about something. While I know Maria's appearance has shaken him, I also know that it's caused him to grapple with some tough problems. I'm a little surprised when Jasper sits down in the living room, instead of retreating up to his room like he normally does when he's thinking. Noticing the difference, the rest of the family settles in around him, though all involved in their own conversations. After a while, Jasper looks up at me. "Um, Carlisle?" he asks softly.

"Yes Jasper?"

"Could we, um…could we go up to your office for a minute?" he asks hesitantly.

I smile encouragingly. "Of course." He stands, leading the way upstairs and taking a seat opposite mine. "Is there something on your mind, Jasper?" I ask.

He shrugs. "It's just…a lot to think about, I guess. Thank you, for what you did. It means a lot to me."

I nod. "You're my son, and I love you. You don't have to thank me for that. Is that what you're thinking so much about?"

He nods. "A lot of things are going to be different now, I think. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize how much you all care about me."

"That's okay," I assure him. "I understand why it was so hard for you." Jasper nods silently, thinking for another minute. His eyes keep flicking to the seat next to me, and I decide to take a chance. "Jasper, would you like to sit with me?" I ask.

He looks down a little, embarrassed, but nods. "If that's alright…" he says, unsure.

I smile. "Of course it's alright. I don't mind at all."

Jasper looks relieved, and shifts over to the seat beside me. "I'm sorry I'm being so weird about this," he says. "It's just all very…new to me. I've never trusted my leader like this before. But you're different. You care about me. It's just kind of odd feeling like I don't have to be careful."

I nod. "I understand. It'll take a while to get used to. But I am so, so happy that you feel that way. I promise you, Jasper, I won't ever hurt you like they did. I'll protect you."

He smiles a little. "I know. Thank you." Cautiously, he reaches out to hug me. I hug him back gently.

"Everything's going to be alright, Jazz. And if you ever need anything or want to talk, I'm always available for you, no matter what."

He nods, smiling. "I know. Thank you dad."

We walk back out to the group, and Alice smiles as Jasper returns to his seat beside her. Before long, all of the children are involved in some game, and even Jasper is laughing with them. Esme walks up behind me as I watch them, slipping her arms around my waist. "Do you think he's alright?" she asks.

I smile. "For the first time, yes, I think he is."

"I half expected him to close up again, like usual," she admits. "I'm so glad he's not."

I nod. "Me too. I think everything will be just fine. He's starting to learn. I think as long as we're patient with him, he'll figure it all out. He's a smart kid."

She smiles. "That he is." There's a loud crash from the living room, and Esme sighs. "Boys, please keep the contact sports outside. We just fixed that floor!"

Emmett laughs, and Jasper's low chuckle joins him. "Sorry Ma!" The group walks past us on their way to destroy the backyard.

Esme laughs, kissing me quickly. "You'd better go referee. You know how Emmett gets when he loses."

Later that night, Bella joins us. Edward keeps close tabs on her, as usual, but at some point she manages to get him distracted enough to address Jasper, a rare occurrence. "Hey Jazz?" she asks. He looks over at her from his spot on the couch. "I heard about what happened earlier," she says softly. "Are you alright?"

Jasper smiles. "Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you for your concern."

Suddenly, he stands, hugging her. The whole room falls silent for a minute. Edward starts forward, but I grab his arm. "Trust him. He can handle it," I assure him.

And sure enough, after her initial hesitation, Bella relaxes and hugs him back. "You're welcome. I'm glad you're okay."

Jasper looks up at me over her shoulder, gauging my reaction. I smile, letting him feel how proud I am of him. He smiles back before releasing her and returning to the couch as if nothing unusual had happened.

* * *

**Yay for happy times! We deserved it after the last few. More to come, but I'm always open to ideas. Please review! It makes me so, so happy!**

**Hugs and butterfly kisses,**

**TheSongSmith**


	13. Chapter 13

**Woahhhh! I had to throw in some family drama before the end. Read more at the bottom!**

* * *

**APOV**

Jasper and I are sitting in biology together, dissecting frogs, when I have a sudden vision. I look up, alarmed. "Jasper you should leave the room."

He frown. "Why? What's happening?"

"Ask to go to the bathroom or something," I say urgently. "Hurry."

He shakes his head. "Not unless you tell me why."

I groan. "Because-" I start.

But it's too late, and there's a gasp behind us as Jeremy Robbins cuts his hand with the scalpel. My grip on Jasper's arm tightens automatically, and his frown deepens as he shakes me off. The teacher goes to help the boy with the cut, and I feel Jasper's hurt as he walks out the door.

I mumble something about going to the bathroom before sprinting out of the room to find him. When I do, he's sitting against a wall, his head in his hands. I slowly walk up to him, crouching in front of him. "Jazz, I'm sorry, I just thought-" I try to explain, but he cuts me off.

"You don't trust me." It's barely a whisper, and the pain he's feeling escapes him.

I realize that it's true, I didn't trust him to handle the situation. "Jasper I'm sorry, I just thought it would be hard for you, and I didn't want you to be upset if something happened."

He shakes his head slowly. "You assumed I couldn't handle myself. That I was going to attack him, even though you know I'm getting better, and that I went hunting last night. You don't trust me." He gets up, walking away from me down the hallway.

"Jasper wait!" I call after him, but he doesn't turn. Instead he walks straight through the doors, disappearing into the woods.

* * *

**JPOV**

Once I lose sight of the school behind the trees I break into a run, trying to decide what to do with myself. I end up back at the house in a few minutes, and though all my siblings are at school, I think Esme's home. Sure enough, I find her in the dining room, drawing up plans for something. She looks up at my entrance, surprised and concerned. "Are you, um…busy?" I ask.

She shakes her head. "No. Is something wrong Jasper?" I can't even begin to explain how hurt and angry I am, and a choked sob escapes my chest, somewhere between a howl and a whimper. Esme is by my side in a flash, sitting me down on the couch and wrapping me in her arms as I sob into her shoulder. She holds me close, murmuring soothingly, and I allow myself to be calmed slightly by her presence. When the sobs have subsided, she kisses my cheek. "Honey, what's wrong? What happened?"

I take a breath, looking up at her. "Why didn't you look at my eyes?"

She looks puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"When I came in, and you looked at me, you didn't look to see if my eyes were red. Why?"

"Well, it didn't occur to me that I should. You just looked upset, and you obviously came to me because of it, whatever it is. I just wanted to help."

A small laugh escapes me. "It didn't occur to you that I might have screwed up again?"

"Well of course it didn't," she replies. "The only thing that occurred to me is that you needed a hug, desperately."

I find myself a little less hurt at her statement. Before I can stop myself, I hug her tightly. "Thank you. I did."

"Did what?" she asks, "Need a hug? Jasper, can you tell me what's wrong?"

I nod, trying to keep my emotions in check. "Alice doesn't trust me."

She rubs my arm. "Oh honey, I'm sure that's not true."

"No, it is. Today she saw that some kid was going to cut his hand, and she tried to make me leave before he did because she didn't trust me to deal with it. Edward doesn't either. I felt his emotions when I hugged Bella last week. None of them do. I don't even know if Carlisle does."

Esme hugs me a little tighter. "Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry. First of all, your father loves you, and he trusts you just as much as he trusts the rest of us. Did you feel his emotions when you hugged Bella?" I nod. "And how did he feel?" she asks.

"He was…happy," I admit. "Proud."

"And did you ever feel any distrust from him? Any worry that you would hurt her?"

I think about it for a moment before shaking my head. "No, I didn't."

She nods. "He trusts you very much. You have to remember that. As for the others, well, I understand your frustration."

I sniffle a little. "It's just…I try so hard to be good. I really do. I know I struggle with it sometimes, but I really do try my best not to hurt anyone. You don't know what it's like to have to feel all the disappointment when I screw up, and I really don't want to disappoint anyone. But sometimes it feels like it wouldn't matter if I never hurt another human for the rest of my life, and they still would hold my past against me. Sometimes I think they'll never trust me. And my own mate, too. The one person who's supposed to be on my side, always, doesn't trust me."

Esme runs her fingers through my hair. "Well I can certainly understand why you're hurt about that. I had the same problem once."

I look up at her, confused. "You did?"

She nods. "Did anyone ever tell you how I ended up here?"

"You jumped off a cliff, didn't you?"

"Yes. Well, after I was turned and Carlisle realized I was his mate, he followed me around all the time. He was worried I still wanted to die, and he thought if he never left me alone then I couldn't find a way to do it. No matter how many times I told him I wasn't going to, he wouldn't leave me alone. I was really hurt, because I knew he didn't trust me. So I understand that."

I frown. "I never knew that. So what did you do?"

"I told him how upset I was that he couldn't trust me to tell the truth. I told him that if he truly wanted me with him, he was going to have to stop treating me like a child and let me take care of myself."

"And that worked?" I ask hesitantly. "I mean, does he still think that?"

She smiles. "No, not anymore. The truth was, he didn't know he was hurting me until I told him. He just wanted to keep me safe, and happy. He didn't understand how it made me feel. And when I told him, he stopped. I think Alice knows how much you hate it when you lose control, and she doesn't want you to be upset if you don't have to be. I don't think she meant to hurt you. I think she was honestly trying to help."

"And you think that if I talk to her about it, it would help?"

She nods. "Sure. You've got nothing to lose, right? Talk to them all about it. Tell them how it makes you feel. In fact, we could have one big family conversation and just explain it to them all at once. I don't think they mean to make you feel like you're not trusted. I think if they knew how you felt, and how hurt you were, they would realize how silly they're being. Carlisle and I both know you can handle yourself."

I sigh. "But I haven't. They don't trust me because of all the times I've already messed up. Why should Edward trust me around Bella when I've already tried to kill her once before? If you look at it that you, you and Carlisle shouldn't trust me at all."

"That's not true," she says, pulling me closer. "We trust you because you are our son, and we know that you are always very mature and we know how hard you try. You need to stop thinking that you so much worse than everyone else. The kids might like to forget what they've done, but the truth is they've killed just as many people in their time with us, and this was the first lifestyle they'd known as vampires. This wasn't the usual for you, and you're still getting used to it."

"Esme, I've been here for decades," I murmur. "I'm not that new."

"So what?" she counters. "Edward lost it just a few years ago, and he's been doing this almost as long as Carlisle has. It happens to us all sometimes. Each and every one of your siblings has killed just as many, if not more people than you from the time they started on animal blood. We can't always help it. They just want to ignore the fact that they've all had trouble with it and focus on the fact that you're having trouble with it right now. It doesn't make you any different from them, or any less trustworthy."

I nod, accepting her words and her comfort. A car pulls in the driveway, and I rest my head against her shoulder and pray it's not Alice. I'm not ready to talk to her yet. Instead, to my surprise, Carlisle walks through the door. He looks worried, and I realize that he's here for me. Esme seems surprised to see him as well. "Hi honey. What are you doing home so early?"

His worried gaze shifts to me, not searching or critical, but concerned. "Alice called me and told me you were upset about something and that you left school. I thought I'd come and see what was wrong."

Great, now Carlisle's left work for me, and someone will probably die because he's not there to save them. "You didn't have to do that for me," I say.

He smiles. "You're more important than any patient, Jasper. She didn't tell me what made you leave. Can you tell me what happened?"

I sigh. "I shouldn't have left. I was just…upset."

He nods. "About what?"

I hesitate. "I didn't attack anyone," I say.

He smiles. "I didn't expect you did."

I nod, telling him the story of what happened. "So, that's why I left," I finish. "I'm sorry."

Carlisle looks at me, puzzled. "Sorry for what? You're allowed to be upset."

"Yeah, but I left school, and called you away from work, and I know we're not supposed to do that unless it's an emergency, and it wasn't."

To my surprise, he smiles. "Jasper, you were upset for a viable reason. Under those circumstances, you had every right to leave and for me to be here. You're more important than anything I could be doing at work. You have nothing to apologize for. So what do you want to do about this problem?"

"Well, Esme suggested we have a family meeting so I could explain how I feel about it. What do you think?"

"I think it's a good start."

I nod, leaning against him a little. "Can I ask you about something?" He nods. "Is it weird that it's harder for me to stay on track when I know they don't think I can?"

"No, that's pretty normal actually. It tends to be much harder for people to succeed when they feel like everyone expects them to fail."

"Okay. Do I have to go back to school?"

He smiles. "Do you want to?"

I think about it. "Not really. I don't want to talk to Alice again yet. I'm still mad at her."

He nods. "I understand. You don't have to."

"Thank you."

Esme takes my hand, squeezing it lightly. "Want to come help me in the garden?" I nod, happy that she wants me around, and follow her to the back yard and the little garden patch she's planted there. "Hey Jasper?" she says after a while. I look up from where I'm watering plants. "You know that you're perfectly entitled to be upset about this, right? It's a completely valid reason to be upset."

I nod. "I know. Thank you. I just hope I can make them understand."

She smiles. "I'm sure they'll understand. Just be honest."

"Um…Mom?" I say.

She smiles, the way she always does when I use that word. "Yes Jasper?"

I smile. "Thank you, for before. I'm sure I looked pretty deranged when I came in."

She giggles lightly. "Maybe a little. But I'm glad I was able to help. And I'm very glad you came to me."

I nod. "Me too."

She checks her watch before looking up at me. "Everyone should be home soon. Are you ready?"

A snort escapes me. "No. But I'm going to do it anyway. I have to."

She nods sympathetically. "Well, your father and I will be right there with you, and we're very proud of you for talking to us about this."

She takes my hand, and I follow her into the living room, sitting with her while my siblings' various vehicles park outside. Carlisle greets them at the door, asking them to come sit down with us. I feel curiosity from both Emmett and Rosalie, who have no idea what's going on. Emmett is hoping he's not in trouble, and when I whisper this to Esme she laughs. Edward is confused, though I don't know why he hasn't just read Carlisle's mind. Or maybe he has, and he's confused about it. Alice is guilty, but I avoid focusing on that for too long. I nod to Carlisle, hoping he'll start, and he does. "Hello everyone. I know it's a bit sudden, but we have something important to discuss with all of you. Jasper has brought a problem to our attention, and we think all of you need to know. Your brother, who has worked so hard to adapt to our lifestyle, and who has been trying his hardest to control his instincts, as we all do, and has had much success, feels that he is not trusted to control himself. Alice, perhaps you could tell us what happened today."

Alice looks up at him briefly before returning her gaze to her lap sadly. "Well, I…I had a vision that one of the kids in our biology class was going to cut himself, so I told Jasper he should leave before that happened."

Carlisle nods. "And did you have a vision that Jasper would lose control when that happened?"

She shakes her head. "No. I didn't see anything about Jasper."

"But you thought he would attack the bleeding student, so you told him to step outside."

She sighs. "No. Well…I just know how hard it is for him sometimes, and I didn't want him to be upset about it." She looks up at me. "Jasper, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I know that you can control yourself. I just thought it would be easier for you if you didn't have to deal with it. I'm sorry."

"Well that may be," Carlisle continues, "But I think it's time all of you started considering how your actions make you brother feel, no matter the intention." He looks at me. "Jasper?"

I take a deep breath. "I know you don't try to hurt me, but it really does hurt when you do things like that. I can feel your emotions, and I know when you think I'm going to mess up. I know I have in the past, but I try my hardest not to, and it hurts that you don't believe I can do it. Edward, the other day, with Bella, I know you were upset. But I wouldn't have gone near here if I thought there was any chance I could hurt her. And I know I did once, but if you guys don't stop holding my mistakes over my head, how can I do any better? I am trying my best, but sometimes it feels like no matter how perfect I am, you'll still hold my mistakes against me, so why should I even try? And that makes it much more difficult for me to do well."

Carlisle waits for me to finish before continuing. "I would like to point out that several of you have killed more people over your lifetimes than Jasper has since he's come to us. His may be more recent, but that doesn't make you any better at this than he is, and you should not be passing judgment about that. Jasper is not a child, and he needs to be allowed to do this himself, just like the rest of you did, and he needs to know we support him. I know he is perfectly capable of controlling himself, and that he takes steps to make sure that he is in control. It's time you started supporting him, instead of trying to remove him from any situation where he might encounter human blood. You're not helping by stopping him from learning. You need to give him the same respect that you got, and you have to trust him to take care of himself."

Edward, Emmett, and Rosalie exchange a glance while Alice looks down at her lap. Emmett is the first one to speak. "I'm sorry bro. We didn't mean to come off like that. We just know how upset you get when something happens, and we didn't want you to be upset. But Carlisle's right. We know you can do it yourself."

Rosalie nods in agreement. "We're really sorry. We didn't realize you were hurt by it. We thought we were helping, but I guess we weren't. We do trust you."

Edward sighs. "I'm really sorry about how I acted with Bella. I know it wasn't fair to you. It was just an instinct reaction. I know you wouldn't have hurt her. I guess I just forgot it for a moment. I'm sorry. I do trust you around her, even if it doesn't seem like it."

I nod slowly. "She's not afraid of me, you know," I tell him. "Not even after I tried to kill her."

He smiles. "I know. What can I say, she's smarter than me, I guess. She made it very clear that I was being an ass to you when I drove her home last week."

I have to laugh at the idea of little Bella telling off Edward for the way he reacted. "Really?"

He chuckles. "Yeah. And I quote: 'God Edward, it was just a hug. No need to get your panties in a bunch.'" Emmett snorts at this, though I know he's trying to be serious. "So yeah," he finishes, "I'm sorry for the way I reacted."

Finally, Alice looks up at me, and I can both see and feel how upset she is. "Jazzy, I'm so sorry," she murmurs. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I thought I was helping. Can you ever forgive me?"

I think for a moment. "Yes, but you need to stop treating me like a child. If you see someone bleeding, I don't mind if you tell me. But I don't always have to leave. If you see me attacking someone, tell me and I'll make sure it doesn't happen. I can do it, I know I can. Just give me the chance."

She nods. "I know you can do it too. I'm sorry." She shifts over to the seat next to me, hugging me tightly.

Carlisle smiles. "Alright then. Now that that's settled, you're free to go."

Everyone moves except for Alice, who's snuggled against my side. "Well," she says, "I think today has been far too emotional."

I nod. "I agree. Did I miss anything?"

She giggles. "I don't think the teacher even realized you left. She was so busy with Jeremy. He had the knife stuck in his hand and didn't want anyone to pull it out. They argued about it for ten minutes."

I chuckle softly, holding her close. "Sounds exciting."

She laughs. "Oh, it was. But I'm so glad today is over." She looks up at me. "Hey Jazzy?"

"Hmm?"

"You know I love you right? And that I honestly believe in you?"

I smile. "Yeah, I know. I love you too."

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**Alright peeps, so here's the deal. I have the next (and final!) chapter written for this already. It's done. And really good! BUT I am refusing to post it unless I get more than one review this week. All of you have slacked off, and that makes me sad. I promise it's totally worth that extra five seconds (maybe seven if you're a slow typist). I'm so exciteddddd! So please review so I can share my excitement with you lovely people!**

**Love**

**TheSongSmith**


	14. Chapter 14

**Last chapter you guys! Unless I get some inspiration and add to it. Read on!**

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**JPOV**

I love walking through the woods. It's one of the few places I can find a little peace in this life. Far enough away from the temptations that humans pose, my head is finally clear. Or, it is until a dark blur drops from the trees in front of me. Oh no. Not again. She stands up, smirking that horrible smirk that makes me feel cold inside. No. She's speaking now, but the words are fuzzy and muffled as she walks closer. I'm trying to command my legs to work-to back up, to go home-but they're not obeying me. And now she's reaching forward, getting closer, and I can't move. This can't be happening! Move away! Do something! But my body isn't listening. Her hand is just about to close around my wrist when a loud snarl startles me. I look behind me and see that it was Carlisle. I momentarily forget my panic as he approaches, so grateful that he came to my rescue.

He walks up beside me, his hand settling gently on my shoulder. "It's over, son," he says. I look back to see that Maria has disappeared. I have the distinct feeling that she's gone for good.

"Jasper? Jasper. Jasper, wake up." I open my eyes to see Carlisle standing in front of me, the book I'd been reading in my lap, where it must have fallen when I fell asleep. "Jazz, are you alright? You looked like you might have been having a bad dream." I look up and see his concern.

"I was for a minute there. Thank you."

I hesitate for a moment before hugging him tightly. He smiles, hugging me back. "No problem. Are you sure you're alright?"

I nod. "Very sure. But…remember how you said I could talk to you whenever I wanted?" He nods. "How about now?"

"Sure, we can talk now. Would you like to come up to my office?" I nod, following him upstairs and taking a seat on the couch. Carlisle closes the door behind him and sits down next to me. "So," he says, "What's on your mind?"

I instinctively shift closer to him, thinking about how much has changed since my altercation with Maria. I've come to, as Carlisle puts it, take my rightful place in the family. I hadn't realized before how much they really cared for me until that day, nor did I understand how much they all meant to me. So I suppose that I really have found a place in the family, or maybe just recognized that I had it. My relationship with all of them has changed as a result, but none more than Carlisle and Esme. It did take a while for Esme and I to find our balance, with her being so affectionate and me so private. But as I opened up to her more, and she understood the reasons behind the way I am, we grew much closer. I can't say I've become completely comfortable with open affection, but I'm getting better. I've come to see that I don't have to shy away from her affections, and it's made the both of us very happy. As for Carlisle, it's hard to put into words how much of a difference has been made. After the incident in the woods, I learned that there was no need to fear him, as either my leader or my father. He's always exceptionally patient and kind with everyone, and I know he loves me. When he stood up for me against Maria, he showed me that he will always keep me safe. It's kind of nice to not have to worry about that anymore. I know he would never be the cruel kind of leader or father I'd been used to. It took me a long time to understand that, but now that I have, I couldn't be happier. Because the truth is, I always loved them too. I was just too afraid to admit it. And now that I have, I've found the place I can relax. Sitting next to my leader, my father, I can't help but smile. This is where I belong.

"Actually, it's good things. You were right before, I was having a nightmare at first. I was dreaming about Maria coming for me again. But then it changed."

He looks curious. "Oh? What changed?"

"You showed up," I admit.

"In your dream?"

I nod. "Yeah. You showed up, and she disappeared."

He nods thoughtfully. "Well that's interesting. Any idea why?"

I smile. "Carlisle, you really showed me that day that I didn't have to do everything myself; that I could trust you to keep me safe. I've never been able to do that."

He smiles, squeezing my hand gently. "Well I'm certainly glad you trust me. That means a lot to me. And you're right, I will always keep you safe. Thank you."

"I think I should be the one thanking you," I admit, "For showing me the truth. And I know it sounds weird, but I'm really glad she showed up that day."

"Glad? Why?"

"Because if she hadn't, things wouldn't be so good now. I wouldn't be able to sit here and talk openly with you, or feel like I could be a part of this family. And I certainly wouldn't be able to trust someone else to look out for me. I guess in a way, I owe her a little bit of gratitude for that."

He nods thoughtfully. "That makes sense. I'm very glad that things worked out as well as they have, and that I was with you when she did show up."

"I'm pretty glad of that too. I couldn't have done it without you."

This makes him smile. "So," he says, "Are you still worried about her coming back?"

I have to think about this for a moment. "I do think she'll show up again. But I'm not afraid of it like I used to be. I know that whenever she does show up, I'll have all of you behind me to help."

"You absolutely will. I'm really proud of you, Jazz. You've come a long way."

I nod. "I couldn't have done it without your patience and support. Thank you for everything."

"You're very welcome. Are you happier now?"

I chuckle. "I can't even tell you how much happier I am to finally belong somewhere. It took me decades to figure it out, but I finally did. And it feels great to be able to relax."

Carlisle nods, putting an arm around my shoulders. "I'm proud of you, son. You've done some amazing things, and I'm so happy to call you my son." He pulls me closer, hugging me gently. "I love you, Jasper."

I smile, hugging him back. "I love you too, dad."

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****

You Guysssssssss! It's been so long that I've been working on this. Thank you for taking the journey with me. Who knows where I might go from here? As always, please leave me a little love note after you finish! 

**Hugs and butterfly kisses,**

**TheSongSmith**


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